When I woke up I was singing "I just can't wait to be king" with Simba. I kept tacking on the words, "of the world" at the end though.
The dream was yellow, everything covered in a film of warmth.
And we were all happy.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
blegh.
I keep waking up sad.
Last night in my dream I was sitting in a living room with my lap top. It was raining heavily outside. I was searching recipes for something chocolatey--french silk pie specifically. I wasn't finding that recipe. Frustrated I continued to search for something that would require a similar amount of steps. Something I could lose myself in as a form of therapy.
I've decided all of this sadness is my way of freaking out about life changing. It's like this juggling act with school projects, relationships, and post-graduation plans. And I keep dropping the balls.
The best solution: stop thinking or feeling. It's time to do schoolwork like a robot.
It's also time to listen to Man in the Mirror.
Last night in my dream I was sitting in a living room with my lap top. It was raining heavily outside. I was searching recipes for something chocolatey--french silk pie specifically. I wasn't finding that recipe. Frustrated I continued to search for something that would require a similar amount of steps. Something I could lose myself in as a form of therapy.
I've decided all of this sadness is my way of freaking out about life changing. It's like this juggling act with school projects, relationships, and post-graduation plans. And I keep dropping the balls.
The best solution: stop thinking or feeling. It's time to do schoolwork like a robot.
It's also time to listen to Man in the Mirror.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
a couple of near memories
I know I dreamt of China last night, but I can't remember anything that happened.
The only reason I remember that is because I'm reading this npr article about a controversial book detailing the horrors underlying China's modern day society, horrors that are hidden from and denied by the current generation. Reading the article I could feel I was in China last night. A little weird.
And I know I dreamt of a professor nagging me about sentence structure, being a real jerk about it. I remember defending myself, saying the sentence needed to be broken into two as I had it. Otherwise it was a ridiculous run-on that nobody could ever follow. I remember getting passionately angry at her for not agreeing with me. I felt she was just being contrary for the hell of it.
The only reason I remember that is because I'm reading this npr article about a controversial book detailing the horrors underlying China's modern day society, horrors that are hidden from and denied by the current generation. Reading the article I could feel I was in China last night. A little weird.
And I know I dreamt of a professor nagging me about sentence structure, being a real jerk about it. I remember defending myself, saying the sentence needed to be broken into two as I had it. Otherwise it was a ridiculous run-on that nobody could ever follow. I remember getting passionately angry at her for not agreeing with me. I felt she was just being contrary for the hell of it.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
quotes
I'm cleaning and found this quote I meant to share like a month ago:
"There are times he closes his eyes and sinks into a great silence. I cannot tell if he is overcome by melancholy, or if this is simply the switch of some internal mechanism. Once the silence envelops him, I can say nothing until he regains his senses. As he slowly reopens his eyes, he looks at me blankly, the fingers of his hands moving vaguely on his lap as if to divine why I exist there before him."
"With the sound turned down, I had gotten confused by the sheer discrepancy between the non-sounds and the reality that would have produced them had they been audible...Which is to say, a waterfall ought to have a waterfall's worth of sound."
-Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, Haruki Murakami
"There are times he closes his eyes and sinks into a great silence. I cannot tell if he is overcome by melancholy, or if this is simply the switch of some internal mechanism. Once the silence envelops him, I can say nothing until he regains his senses. As he slowly reopens his eyes, he looks at me blankly, the fingers of his hands moving vaguely on his lap as if to divine why I exist there before him."
"With the sound turned down, I had gotten confused by the sheer discrepancy between the non-sounds and the reality that would have produced them had they been audible...Which is to say, a waterfall ought to have a waterfall's worth of sound."
-Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, Haruki Murakami
sasquatch
Artists I got to see:
Animal collective!
Devotchka
Bon Iver!
Mos Def
Passion Pit
Blind Pilot
Crystal Castles!
Nine Inch Nails!
The Murder City Devils
St. Vincent
Erykah Badu
Santigold!
Gogol Bordello
Fleet Foxes
Deerhoof
Girl Talk!
The Knux
(The ! indicates they were especially awesome.)
Things that happened:
walking on the way to the venue I hear "Carissa!" turn around and see Chelsea, a girl I went to school with in fifth grade. she gave me a big hug and it was cool.
applaud with thousands as the clouds finally gave us a short break from the intense heat of direct and prolonged sunshine, and accidentally yelling at the top of my lungs, "Yes! The shadows are covering the sun! Thankyou SHADOWS!!!!"
neighboring tent partying as the sun is rising and the bitter bitter sleep deprived anger a few hours later, attempting to wake them up by yelling next to their tent about the loud obnoxious people. i don't think it achieved anything, but it felt great to allow for a bit of vengeance.
thrashing and singing along to nine inch nails.
holding up a lighter to the last song by nine inch nails and quickly pulling my hand down, and telling the stranger beside me, "that hurts". he replied, "yeah." we're so hard core...
watching an enormous guard struggling with a tiny but determined young guy trying to weasel his way from his grip. i was convinced somebody was going to get hurt, and i think everyone else who stepped back a good ten feet did too.
passing along crowd surfers at girl talk.
dancing like upright sardines at girl talk, literally body contact on every side.
looking down to a few people crouched down in the pit beside us, watching them dip their fingers in tiny bags, rubbing powder on their gums. that was new for me--didn't really think i'd ever see someone doing coke.
there's more, but that's a good gist of the weekend.
nine inch nails, santigold, girl talk, and crystal castles were the highlights for sure.
Animal collective!
Devotchka
Bon Iver!
Mos Def
Passion Pit
Blind Pilot
Crystal Castles!
Nine Inch Nails!
The Murder City Devils
St. Vincent
Erykah Badu
Santigold!
Gogol Bordello
Fleet Foxes
Deerhoof
Girl Talk!
The Knux
(The ! indicates they were especially awesome.)
Things that happened:
walking on the way to the venue I hear "Carissa!" turn around and see Chelsea, a girl I went to school with in fifth grade. she gave me a big hug and it was cool.
applaud with thousands as the clouds finally gave us a short break from the intense heat of direct and prolonged sunshine, and accidentally yelling at the top of my lungs, "Yes! The shadows are covering the sun! Thankyou SHADOWS!!!!"
neighboring tent partying as the sun is rising and the bitter bitter sleep deprived anger a few hours later, attempting to wake them up by yelling next to their tent about the loud obnoxious people. i don't think it achieved anything, but it felt great to allow for a bit of vengeance.
thrashing and singing along to nine inch nails.
holding up a lighter to the last song by nine inch nails and quickly pulling my hand down, and telling the stranger beside me, "that hurts". he replied, "yeah." we're so hard core...
watching an enormous guard struggling with a tiny but determined young guy trying to weasel his way from his grip. i was convinced somebody was going to get hurt, and i think everyone else who stepped back a good ten feet did too.
passing along crowd surfers at girl talk.
dancing like upright sardines at girl talk, literally body contact on every side.
looking down to a few people crouched down in the pit beside us, watching them dip their fingers in tiny bags, rubbing powder on their gums. that was new for me--didn't really think i'd ever see someone doing coke.
there's more, but that's a good gist of the weekend.
nine inch nails, santigold, girl talk, and crystal castles were the highlights for sure.
Friday, May 22, 2009
graffiti
Waking to sunshine is one of those things that makes life wonderful.
Another thing that makes life wonderful is waking up after 12+ hours of sleep realizing your waaaaay to realistic nightmares are in fact not real.
And one more thing is the ridiculous song "this is why I'm hot."
So my dream.
I was in a daze, confused and feeling lost. I was at the art department, wandering around unsure of what to do with myself.
I had a pallet and paints. There was a black shiny Audi parked in front of the building. I sidled up next to it and began painting on the hood. Painting! On the hood! I didn't think about what I was doing. I painted my initials, and some flowers. As I painted periodically friends would come by and say hi. We'd chat as though everything was normal. We'd talk about how beautiful and warm it was out and how we're all stressed about our school projects---the norm. They'd comment on what I was painting, complimenting my color choice.
After a long time of painting on this car, I began to realize I may not be able to get the paint off later.
I tried rubbing it off with water and it left this thick residue everywhere. And I realized OMS would probably wear through the car's paint too. I had made a huge mess of this person's car and, being a coward, I just left.
The next day I heard professors talking about what happened. The photography professor, a flamboyant gay man, was telling my installation professor how whoever did that, if they were found out, were gonna be outta here immediately. He made a gesture with his thumb over his shoulder: "Outta here!"
I was terrified.
I couldn't believe how freaking stupid I had been.
And all I wanted to do was go back in time and not be a complete imbecile.
I was thinking through what I would say if I were found out. "I didn't realize what I was doing. I was confused."
Plead insanity?
It was so not cool. I'm pretty sure for hours of sleep I was worrying about how I would fix my predicament. So close to graduating and I would be kicked out, left to fend for myself without even a bachelor's degree.
Life is scary when you go around terrorizing people's fancy belongings. Don't do it.
Another thing that makes life wonderful is waking up after 12+ hours of sleep realizing your waaaaay to realistic nightmares are in fact not real.
And one more thing is the ridiculous song "this is why I'm hot."
So my dream.
I was in a daze, confused and feeling lost. I was at the art department, wandering around unsure of what to do with myself.
I had a pallet and paints. There was a black shiny Audi parked in front of the building. I sidled up next to it and began painting on the hood. Painting! On the hood! I didn't think about what I was doing. I painted my initials, and some flowers. As I painted periodically friends would come by and say hi. We'd chat as though everything was normal. We'd talk about how beautiful and warm it was out and how we're all stressed about our school projects---the norm. They'd comment on what I was painting, complimenting my color choice.
After a long time of painting on this car, I began to realize I may not be able to get the paint off later.
I tried rubbing it off with water and it left this thick residue everywhere. And I realized OMS would probably wear through the car's paint too. I had made a huge mess of this person's car and, being a coward, I just left.
The next day I heard professors talking about what happened. The photography professor, a flamboyant gay man, was telling my installation professor how whoever did that, if they were found out, were gonna be outta here immediately. He made a gesture with his thumb over his shoulder: "Outta here!"
I was terrified.
I couldn't believe how freaking stupid I had been.
And all I wanted to do was go back in time and not be a complete imbecile.
I was thinking through what I would say if I were found out. "I didn't realize what I was doing. I was confused."
Plead insanity?
It was so not cool. I'm pretty sure for hours of sleep I was worrying about how I would fix my predicament. So close to graduating and I would be kicked out, left to fend for myself without even a bachelor's degree.
Life is scary when you go around terrorizing people's fancy belongings. Don't do it.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
artist statement
this is an excerpt from my artist statement for installation:
"The significance of this work to me lies in what I feel is a disparate
gap between childhood and adulthood. So much of our freedom to imagine
is lost in the cracks of life as we become bombarded by practical
responsibilities and the realities of things like hatred and
prejudice. I'd like to help remind people of the happiness imagination
and innocence brings, offer a brief return to childhood fantasies."
ideally this is what i want to express in my art. at the least, it's an aim to attempt.
...plus it gives me the freedom of over-saturation and an explicit absence of any form of negativity.
it's exciting because it could be a fun direction to go.
"The significance of this work to me lies in what I feel is a disparate
gap between childhood and adulthood. So much of our freedom to imagine
is lost in the cracks of life as we become bombarded by practical
responsibilities and the realities of things like hatred and
prejudice. I'd like to help remind people of the happiness imagination
and innocence brings, offer a brief return to childhood fantasies."
ideally this is what i want to express in my art. at the least, it's an aim to attempt.
...plus it gives me the freedom of over-saturation and an explicit absence of any form of negativity.
it's exciting because it could be a fun direction to go.
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