tree

Tonight Katie helped me clothe the tree.
And that's how it looked about two hours ago.
:)

art, art, art.

I'm almost done sewing the clothes together. Today/tonight I'm gonna try putting it on the tree, fingers crossed I measured well and it'll work out.

Also, I've found a place for my sculptures. This e-mail was going around the art department about an art auction raising money for a local middle school. So, I'm gonna contribute the washing machine, freezer, and dreamspace.
I suppose it's not professional since I wouldn't be making any money off of them, but I think it's a good solution.
I'd really like someone to have them.

I'm really feeling this fabric thing. It's surprisingly un-crafty even though the materials would be considered so. I just need to stick with it and not flake out so that ideas will progress.
All I'm wondering now is whether once I move to China it'll still seem appropriate. I mean, one of the major reasons I'm doing this is because of the excessive amounts of clothes that go unused here.

p.s. I feel like a crazy person right now, really really crazy. I think it's because of the weird sleep schedule I've fallen into.

catch-up.

I haven't posted in a while, but that doesn't mean I haven't blogged.
I just failed to upload them before they became completely irrelevant.

Yesterday I flipped out. Mom, Maia, Rochelle, and Jeremy can attest to that.
But after talking with mom who is much more at ease than me pretty much all of the time, then putting on a Popsicle dress, I calmed down.
Got to see a sweet artist speak about her art.
Then went straight home and began sewing clothes together to fit a local tree.

Alisha called while I was doing that, and of course I had to tell her what I was doing when she asked "what's up" and of course I got a laugh and some sisterly teasing. She suggested not just wrap clothes around a tree, but makes clothes for a tree, with sleeves and all. I thought about that (first I might add ;)) and may do it if this works out. She also suggested adding a belt...I don't know about that Alisha. Tacky!

Anyway, talked to her for a good long hour or so. It's so cool when you've got a sibling you can talk to and get along with...one that occasionally made you want to destroy things.

Later watched some Spaced, a British show. Parents, you'd probably like it. Not sure what was really happening. 4 episodes in and the plot hadn't thickened yet, but it was still entertaining.

OH MY GOD. I just remembered that last night in my dream Oprah called me. She called me accidentally thinking it was an old friend of hers. She needed help with some issue, and decided I could help her even though I wasn't who she had expected. She came to where I was and Maryann, Vanessa, and I, as we tried not revealing or awe, walked her around town, giving helpful pointers.
She was really short.

not so good dreams.

I think it's funny that after posting all of that about relationships I had a dream of confessing my love to someone.
Er, actually, now that I think about it, I'm not sure if I ever actually confessed it. I was about to at least.

I sat with his friend talking and eventually he asked what was going on with he and I. I admitted to my feelings, and the friend was so happy. We sat there for a while, him smiling, me surprised and encouraged that he was smiling.

Then the guy came over. There was a table with bottles covering it. I was trying to arrange it in a certain way to take a photograph. It was wobbling all over the place. I turned to do something and he had cleared the table, thinking that was helpful. I got slightly annoyed and told him that's in fact the opposite of help, but at the same time felt appreciative of his effort, and didn't really care at all because I loved him too much.
Then we went walking somewhere.
Busy streets with vendors and a public vegetable market.
We stopped at one to buy some noodles. There were cots set up in front of the vendor to lie down in while you ate, so I lied down and waiting for the order. He came and lied down beside me. It felt perfectly comfortable but also not, because I felt I may never be able to say something to him...and if that was true, then I shouldn't anyway. It was a calm but unsettling realization.


Later I was in a room with a sort of shallow platform built into the wall twenty feet above the ground. It was attached to a slide.
I climbed up on something to get on it. I navigated with difficulty onto and across the thing, nearly falling the entire time, my legs dangling over the edge.
That was pretty scary and pointless.

Also, right before waking, I had a really disturbing dream. A guy I didn't love, or really even care about at all, got me pregnant. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind, all revolving around anxiety and hatred and guilt. I didn't want a baby yet. It ruined every plan. And not with him! I was sitting on my bed. He was walking back into the room, arrogantly and completely unaware of the situation he put me in, and there was another guy-a man-standing in my room beside me. He was trying to console me. He was level-headed and supportive, but I sat there screaming all of the horrible things this meant.
After a good long whirlwind of terror I finally convinced myself I had been dreaming and it was okay. I could just wake up and everything would be fine.

Now I'm awake and thankfully not pregnant with in illegitimate and unwanted baby, nor troubled by the secret love I can't admit, or dangling from a twenty foot ledge.

another post.

Another project: putting clothes on trees. i'm not sure the way it's going to work yet. i'm thinking of going out and measuring "good" trees and sewing the clothe together at home, then going out and wrapping them and sewing the edges together around the tree at night.
the idea of a sort of secret vandalism is exciting, and i've already got Maia and Jeremy somewhat interested in joining me.

Another thought: i'm reading this book with the word LOVE plastered across it's front in huge bold letters. the reason i'm reading this book, chock-full of cynicism and praise of rational thought over emotion, is to remind myself to think of love soberly. that is difficult.
i tend to love people, sometimes i'm afraid, too easily. i daydream about the things we can do together in the future, the way every detail will happen. i relish in the thought of loving the things about them that go unappreciated.
and recently i've found myself wanting someone to build a tiny fortress of a relationship with. reflecting on it, i'm afraid the reason is to feel more secure with my move to China...maybe i want someone to love that will either a)come on the adventure with me, or b)wait eagerly for my return.
this is a self-centered and foolish reason for wanting a relationship.


Another awesome thing that happened: Maia and i are currently at the Swan Cafe. a few hours ago we arrived and were talking about culture shock. she asked where i lived before coming here. i told her Leavenworth for a summer, and then we laughed for a while, joking about how crazy that place is. there was a guy sitting to my left. maia mentioned red necks in small town America. she asked if there were red necks in leavenworth. i said i don't know, if there are they're disguised: red necks in bavarian clothing.
the man took an opportunity to enter our conversation a couple minutes later, and said before leaving, "and by the way, i love that "red necks in bavarian clothes comment, i'm gonna tell my buddy that one!"
nice.
spread the imagery.

gotta get thru this

Daniel Bedingfield:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4eMyOzD9UI

Watch it, listen to it, wiggle and shimmy to it, and love it.
That's a command.

Alright, back to work.

and life goes on, as usual.

Last night my dream consisted of a hideous rash on my legs--big bright bumpy red spots covering them both, each bump with a thistle protruding out the middle.
I sat on the floor, resting on a bare wall, legs stretched out in front of me, pulling the thistles out and discarding them to the side.
Disgusting.

I also was determined to kill a man. I waited for him in a hallway, stumbling around trying to find the proper weapon, finding mostly duds or toy guns. Aware none of them would work, I still stood at the end of the hall with a door slightly ajar in front of me to hide behind, legs bent, prepared to pounce or shoot.
I was really going to kill him.
Disturbing.

And in real life, last night I watched a portion of Silent Hill...probably the reason for my icky dreams.
Also, went to see a rock/metal band made of mostly friends. They were awesome, and next time I'll do the full-on head banging with my mane like Glenn suggested. That would be incredibly fun, at least for a few minutes.
After that we went to 80s night. I ran into an old "friend." That portion of the evening I could have done without. But we made some new friends so it was fun overall.

Then today, oh today. I've got this art history reading to wade through. Seriously, wade, like through some gelatinous substance. Jello. No, something more sticky. Maple syrup, the really thick kind, dripped straight from the tree into a jar.
The thing is I literally spent 6 hours reading that article. It's a total of 30 pages and I'm not done yet. 6 hours! That is insane. Have I become a sloth, moving at the speed of,if I may use the same metaphor, maple syrup?
Hopefully not. I'd rather say it's a personally unprecedented determination to try to understand everything in this class. It's a stupid confidence thing I think.

A stupid confidence thing that I unfortunately really need at the moment.