when i was a child i used to think about monsters before falling asleep, and now i think about moving to china.
i'm not sure which is scarier.
on another note, there is more to life than this (as Bjork might sing).
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
new project.
I plan to build a house using the same method as the washing machine, freezer, and dreamspace.
It'll be a small house.
I want to put it in the greenspace in front of the art building, then live in it for a week or longer.
I feel like it's a safe installation since it's on campus, and being in front of the art building makes it especially so...but still, I'm totally excited about it.
I'll be collaborating with Maia, and for the nights she doesn't want to sleep with me I'm going to ask other friends to...because i'm sure it'll be a little scary in there at night.
I'm as excited about this as the dreamspace, so hopefully it'll come out okay.
It'll be a small house.
I want to put it in the greenspace in front of the art building, then live in it for a week or longer.
I feel like it's a safe installation since it's on campus, and being in front of the art building makes it especially so...but still, I'm totally excited about it.
I'll be collaborating with Maia, and for the nights she doesn't want to sleep with me I'm going to ask other friends to...because i'm sure it'll be a little scary in there at night.
I'm as excited about this as the dreamspace, so hopefully it'll come out okay.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
I had a moment,
this morning, in my Architecture and Museums class.
We were discussing a quote from an article read for class and she wrote the quote: "Ideology represents the imaginary relationship of individuals to their real conditions of existence."
She offered it up as a sort of explanation to help us think about the term "ideology." I spoke first, giving my convoluted and spastic interpretation of it's meaning.
And it felt fantastic.
Last quarter I couldn't fully grasp anything we were studying in the same professor's class. And now, in this presumably more difficult course, I'm getting it, and speaking in class.
So the moment was, in part feeling giddy and excited about the beginnings of a discussion on existential though, and part a feeling of accomplishment.
Leaving class today I overheard two guys behind me: "Man, I am not understanding a word in that class dude."
"Yeah, me neither."
I wanted to whip around and say "hey! it's okay! that's exactly how i felt every class last quarter...just read the sentences over and over until they make some sense. sometimes i have to read them four times until i understand, but it's totally worth it. you won't feel so out of place and depressed. try it, really."
but reality got the better of me, and I kept walking.
We were discussing a quote from an article read for class and she wrote the quote: "Ideology represents the imaginary relationship of individuals to their real conditions of existence."
She offered it up as a sort of explanation to help us think about the term "ideology." I spoke first, giving my convoluted and spastic interpretation of it's meaning.
And it felt fantastic.
Last quarter I couldn't fully grasp anything we were studying in the same professor's class. And now, in this presumably more difficult course, I'm getting it, and speaking in class.
So the moment was, in part feeling giddy and excited about the beginnings of a discussion on existential though, and part a feeling of accomplishment.
Leaving class today I overheard two guys behind me: "Man, I am not understanding a word in that class dude."
"Yeah, me neither."
I wanted to whip around and say "hey! it's okay! that's exactly how i felt every class last quarter...just read the sentences over and over until they make some sense. sometimes i have to read them four times until i understand, but it's totally worth it. you won't feel so out of place and depressed. try it, really."
but reality got the better of me, and I kept walking.
floating
dream:
last night i was on campus. i was either holding something that floats or i was standing on something that levitates. it was unclear, but either way i was floating around red square holding it/on it. i was just looking around.
i noticed a picnic table with a group of people sitting posed for a picture on it. A young boy looked nearly exactly like Jeremy but younger. I was like, "whoa" in my mind.
Then I saw Jeremy was behind him, so it was his younger brother, and there was an older lady and man, and a girl, so I assumed they were posing for a family photo.
Then I saw this lady wandering towards me with the same facial hair as Jeremy, and his younger brother. I looked to the right and saw a few more people with that same hair drawn onto their faces. I thought, "there must be some facial hair celebration today I didn't know about."
I floated away.
I floated over the stairs exiting red square and up the brick path. I realized if I moved my arms in a certain way I could make it go higher. I did that and gradually went up and up. I looked down at the people below, all watching me, stunned at my new skill.
Then I lost control. It kept going higher and higher without me directing it. I held on tight. My grip was getting moist with sweat. I looked around me and I was past the height of the all the buildings and trees, approaching the clouds. I wanted to break it or let myself off but I knew I would fall to a painful death, so instead I held on and went higher and higher until I didn't exist anymore.
Later, I was in this labyrinth of a home with family. I went to use the bathroom, which had plastic sheet walls. As I left, Chris was there. He was really upset about something, then I saw Jeremy was there too. He was trying to make Chris feel better about some girl problems he was having. They finished their conversation and Jeremy patted him on the back, then he and I walked down the hall to another room where my family was.
The things that happened are mostly still really fuzzy, but I do remember being in a room with Jeremy and my sister. He was lying on a mattress on the floor under blankets, back propped up against the wall. She was seated on a chair with her legs crossed, leaning down towards him. And I was sitting cross-legged at the foot of the bed. I was mostly listening and my sister was mostly questioning. She asked him what he planned to do with his life. And the reply was simply, "make web comics."
All the while they were talking I had my hand rested on his foot. (Which is strange because of my general dislike for feet.)
But that contact allowed us to communicate without words. When he answered her question I communicated happiness and support and he responded with calmness and confidence.
My sister at first was doubtful, but then she realized that was silly, and smiled.
last night i was on campus. i was either holding something that floats or i was standing on something that levitates. it was unclear, but either way i was floating around red square holding it/on it. i was just looking around.
i noticed a picnic table with a group of people sitting posed for a picture on it. A young boy looked nearly exactly like Jeremy but younger. I was like, "whoa" in my mind.
Then I saw Jeremy was behind him, so it was his younger brother, and there was an older lady and man, and a girl, so I assumed they were posing for a family photo.
Then I saw this lady wandering towards me with the same facial hair as Jeremy, and his younger brother. I looked to the right and saw a few more people with that same hair drawn onto their faces. I thought, "there must be some facial hair celebration today I didn't know about."
I floated away.
I floated over the stairs exiting red square and up the brick path. I realized if I moved my arms in a certain way I could make it go higher. I did that and gradually went up and up. I looked down at the people below, all watching me, stunned at my new skill.
Then I lost control. It kept going higher and higher without me directing it. I held on tight. My grip was getting moist with sweat. I looked around me and I was past the height of the all the buildings and trees, approaching the clouds. I wanted to break it or let myself off but I knew I would fall to a painful death, so instead I held on and went higher and higher until I didn't exist anymore.
Later, I was in this labyrinth of a home with family. I went to use the bathroom, which had plastic sheet walls. As I left, Chris was there. He was really upset about something, then I saw Jeremy was there too. He was trying to make Chris feel better about some girl problems he was having. They finished their conversation and Jeremy patted him on the back, then he and I walked down the hall to another room where my family was.
The things that happened are mostly still really fuzzy, but I do remember being in a room with Jeremy and my sister. He was lying on a mattress on the floor under blankets, back propped up against the wall. She was seated on a chair with her legs crossed, leaning down towards him. And I was sitting cross-legged at the foot of the bed. I was mostly listening and my sister was mostly questioning. She asked him what he planned to do with his life. And the reply was simply, "make web comics."
All the while they were talking I had my hand rested on his foot. (Which is strange because of my general dislike for feet.)
But that contact allowed us to communicate without words. When he answered her question I communicated happiness and support and he responded with calmness and confidence.
My sister at first was doubtful, but then she realized that was silly, and smiled.
Monday, April 6, 2009
the semi truck.
Today I tried painting the dream I had last night. It was an epic failure.
The dream was kinda cool though...
I was with a crowd of people, all of them friends, maybe school mates.
I looked up in the sky to watch the clouds roll by. Everything was relaxed and serene.
As I looked, appreciating the beauty, I saw a semi-truck flying up, exactly in my line of vision. It didn't have wings, but it was flying.
It flew nearly straight up, sped up and continued, then screeched to a halt. Slowly the semi did a flip like a jet might in a airflight show. It became a truck with an extended back, carrying a bunch of large tires. I could see the tires because now the truck was upside down thousands of feet above me.
Then after a moment of being still up there, it plummeted to the ground. All I could see was the stream of color it left behind as it fell.
Watching this incited terror in me.
After a breathe, I turned to a girl on my right and said "Did you see that?" still shell shocked, speaking timidly.
She hadn't. I explained it to her and she flipped out. At first she was carefree and didn't believe me, then it hit her. I was telling the truth.
This was a disaster and it was serious. I woke up feeling the dread.
The only other dream I remember from this weekend was of chewing on an eraser that I bought the day before. I was frustrated as I knawed on it.
The next day, I went to use it, remembered the dream, then coincidentally struggled for a long time with taking the two plastic wrappings from off it.
The dream was kinda cool though...
I was with a crowd of people, all of them friends, maybe school mates.
I looked up in the sky to watch the clouds roll by. Everything was relaxed and serene.
As I looked, appreciating the beauty, I saw a semi-truck flying up, exactly in my line of vision. It didn't have wings, but it was flying.
It flew nearly straight up, sped up and continued, then screeched to a halt. Slowly the semi did a flip like a jet might in a airflight show. It became a truck with an extended back, carrying a bunch of large tires. I could see the tires because now the truck was upside down thousands of feet above me.
Then after a moment of being still up there, it plummeted to the ground. All I could see was the stream of color it left behind as it fell.
Watching this incited terror in me.
After a breathe, I turned to a girl on my right and said "Did you see that?" still shell shocked, speaking timidly.
She hadn't. I explained it to her and she flipped out. At first she was carefree and didn't believe me, then it hit her. I was telling the truth.
This was a disaster and it was serious. I woke up feeling the dread.
The only other dream I remember from this weekend was of chewing on an eraser that I bought the day before. I was frustrated as I knawed on it.
The next day, I went to use it, remembered the dream, then coincidentally struggled for a long time with taking the two plastic wrappings from off it.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
i wish i could fly.
Dream:
I was outside waiting for a friend to be done with her security guard shift for the day.
I was all dressed up. To enjoy the sunshine, I lied down on a raised curb beside the sidewalk on a small downtown street.
A group of old friends including Chase Bartee, and his brother Jordan, came out of the restaurant beside where I was.
They didn't see me, but I watched them eagerly. I haven't seen either of them since tenth grade.
They came outside, looked up at the restaurant, went back in and I saw them levitate to the second floor.
I went in after them, hoping to join them at their table, but it was impossible.
I didn't have levitation skills like them.
Sadly, I went back outside to lie back down in the sun.
:(
I was outside waiting for a friend to be done with her security guard shift for the day.
I was all dressed up. To enjoy the sunshine, I lied down on a raised curb beside the sidewalk on a small downtown street.
A group of old friends including Chase Bartee, and his brother Jordan, came out of the restaurant beside where I was.
They didn't see me, but I watched them eagerly. I haven't seen either of them since tenth grade.
They came outside, looked up at the restaurant, went back in and I saw them levitate to the second floor.
I went in after them, hoping to join them at their table, but it was impossible.
I didn't have levitation skills like them.
Sadly, I went back outside to lie back down in the sun.
:(
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